Can a person truly love someone and yet remain detached? On the surface, it does sound “cold” to say you are “detached” but the reality is we can become more deeply involved because there is no longer a “fear” about the outcome of a situation. This is due to the fact you shift your focus from “needing someone or something” to appreciating your life differently.
When we understand that nothing in life is permanent, we begin to live in the moment because in reality, this is all we ever have. Buddhism teaches “love is not about attachment or even permanence. Love is about spending time with one another and sharing moments and experiences.”
When you truly “love” someone and have a non-attached perspective, it means you “love without conditions”. Love becomes a “state of being”. You will stop expecting so much from the relationship and can build healthy connections. The “need” for that person or thing is gone and you are in control of your own happiness.
Kahlil Gibran’s poem where he describes how to love in a detached way is a wonderful example of non-attachment.
“But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
As we all move into the holiday season this year, may we take some time to understand how to share the moments and experiences without any “needs” or “expectations”.
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